


So Many Legs

by thundercaya



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, M/M, Telephone Conversations, Workplace Warzone compliant, creepy crawlies, moral support
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-07
Updated: 2017-06-07
Packaged: 2018-11-10 01:58:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 734
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11117508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thundercaya/pseuds/thundercaya
Summary: James Madison isn’t afraid of spiders and insects, but centipedes are a different story.





	So Many Legs

Thomas Jefferson perked up when James Madison’s ringtone poured out of his phone. The weekend was just about over, and he was wondering when Madison would want to get together. Jefferson grabbed his phone off the coffee table and answered with a cheerful; “Hey, hon!”

The answer he received was not what he was expecting. A few shaky breaths, then an even shakier; “Thomas.”

Jefferson quickly glanced around for his wallet and keys; Madison did not sound good. “Hon, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Madison said, through the word was too rushed and breathless to be convincing. “Just…. There’s a _centipede_. In my _house_.”

Jefferson relaxed. Was that all? He refrained from saying that, however; belittling Madison’s reaction to a situation was a sure way to start a fight.

“Do you want me to come over and kill it?” he offered instead. Not that he was a fan of critters like that himself, but Madison sounded like he was three or four panic attacks in.

“No,” Madison said. He really did sound awful, way too much effort apparent in every word. “There’s no time. I have to get it before it hides. I just…”

“Wanted some moral support?”

“No. I mean, yes, that too, but I wanted you on standby in case I need an ambulance.”

“What?”

“They bite, don’t they?”

“Well, yes, but--”

“And aren’t they venomous?”

“I guess they are, but--”

“Let’s continue this discussion later, sweetheart. I’m gonna take a shot at it.”

“Are you gonna put your phone down to free up your other hand?”

“I’ve got my headset on.”

“Of course. Why didn’t I think of that?”

“All right, here I--” Jefferson heard a smack that had to be a shoe on tile. “Shit! Oh shit! Oh fuck!”

“What happened? Did you miss?”

“Ye-hes,” Madison whined. “Oh my God, why is it so fucking fast?”

“Because it has so many legs. Did it get away?” Jefferson hoped not. On the one hand, Madison might take an extended stay at Jefferson’s home if that were the case. On the other hand, he just might burn the house down.

“No, it’s--Oh, God, Thomas, it’s standing up.”

“Standing--?”

“It’s running again! It’s--Oh no. No, no, no, no no!”

“What’s wrong, hon?”

“It went in my box of recyclables.”

“Oh, shit.” What a hiding place.

“I know.” Madison sounded completely defeated.

"I told you to take those out.”

Madison took a shuddering breath. “I know.”

“Could you just flood the whole box with bug spray?”

“I don’t have any. Besides, if I did that would they still be safe to recycle?”

“Didn’t realize you were so environmental.”

“Thinking about the end of the world gives me heart palpitations.”

“Right. So what are you gonna do?”

“I guess I’ll have to… dump the box.”

“Are you sure you don’t want me to go over there? You can watch the box in the meantime, in case it gets back out.”

“No, I… I’m kind of a wreck right now. I don’t want you to see me like this.”

Again Jefferson refrained from saying what he was thinking. Telling Madison how much of a wreck he _sounded_ like would just keep him from calling the next time he had some kind of crisis.

“All right,” Jefferson said. “Just stay calm and be careful, okay?”

“Okay, I’ll try,” Madison said. “Remember, if anything happens to me, call an ambulance.” He pulled in a few deep breaths. “Okay, here I go.”

Jefferson heard the cascade of empty cans and bottles.

“I don’t see--There! There it is! Oh _God_ , okay, okay. You little--!”

Jefferson heard the same slap from before, only this time it hit over and over, accompanied by Madison grunting with effort. The slapping ceased and Madison pulled in a labored breath.

“I got it.”

“I knew you could do it, hon. Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I just--I could have _died_.”

“I mean, technically, maybe, but--Hey, it’s over now, so don’t worry about it.”

“It’s not quite over yet.”

“No?”

“No. Now I need to burn this shoe. And... I guess throw out the other half the pair.”

Jefferson chuckled. “Maybe just throw them both in the garbage. Want to go buy a new pair? I could pick you up.”

“Sure, thanks. Just give me an hour to put myself back together. And, uh, my house.”

“All right, hon. See you in an hour.”


End file.
